As a kid, my father told me that constantly. "Eso es Satanico" referred to Ninja Turtles, Smurfs, Garbage Pail Kids, and even Madballs. I tried to convince him that Scooby Doo wasn't 'satanico' because the monsters were actually angry old men who ran county fairs and not at all related to the devil or he-who-must-not-be-named.

Friday, April 23, 2010

How am I sick again?
I was sick in January, I think. Maybe early February. I got a nasty cold after spending an evening on a bus. Beth and I had gone to Vancouver to see the Great Lake Swimmers for the third time (fifth time for her- she saw them once before we met and I bought her and a friend tickets to go see them in Victoria the night before our trip), and on the way back to the States, the Clipper broke down. For those who don't live here The Victoria Clipper is the only ferry that goes directly between Seattle and Victoria. It's the expensive way to travel back and forth, but it's faster than driving to Port Angeles in my little car and then taking the Coho Ferry, which is the other affordable way to make the trip. Anyway, on the way back after our Vancouver trip, the Clipper broke down. They put us on buses and sent us back through Vancouver and then south through the border.

At the border there was a a couple in which one of them was Danish. I guess she didn't have her papers together because those border patrol freaks decided to hold the bus for about 40 minutes. After the couple got their shit straightened out and got back on the bus, we got a flat tire.

Basically, I got back to Seattle at about 2am with a nasty cold.

And now I have something that may be bronchitis. It isn't a cold but my throat is all scratchy and I can't stop coughing. The thing, the real heartbreaker, the worrisome part, is that I'm not supposed to get sick this often. Since I left Miami two years ago I've been sick three or four times. Back in Miami I got sick fucking constantly. My friends noticed and always said "you're always getting sick" as if that helps anyone in any way.

Since moving to Seattle I've exercised more days than not and I spend a lot of time outside. I'm not supposed to get sick this easily. My coworker came in with his stupid bronchitis and I'm the only one who got sick.

What am I missing here?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hello, I am a stranger who happened upon this blog. Good show, old chap; it appears to be both entertaining and educational. Well done.

Now to the business at hand. You ask "what am I missing here?" at the end of this entry, in regards to the reasons behind your illness. I am a stranger, as perviously noted, and am in the medical profession. These are my suggestions to you:

1) Sleep more. Studies consistently demonstrate that adults who sleep a minimum of 7 hours (preferably 8) have stronger immune systems and are more adept at fighting off germs.

2) Wash your hands. A lot. All the time. When you wash your hands, scrub thoroughly, being sure to get every surface of your hands, and under your nails. When no sink/water is available, use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer (NOT antibacterial products).

3) Do not touch your face. Squeeze pimples, rubbing eyes, biting nails - all of these habits act as a CONVENIENT, LUXURY DELIVERY SERVICE for germs, right into your bloodstream. Stop it.

4) Exercise, eat a wide variety of fresh fruit and vegetables, and drink plenty of water.

5) Other studies and many important statistics have shown that purchasing a luxury item for your girlfriend can help lead to IMMORTALITY. You could never be sick again!

But don't take MY word for it...after all, I'M only a DOCTOR. *throaty chuckle*

gaba said...

My dearest Anonymous medical professional, I do believe you are right.

I do require more sleep and I'm afraid I am an awful self-face-toucher.

How you knew this about me I will never understand, I fear.

I think the part about getting my girlfriend is sounds like an old wive's tale, however, and will refrain from purchasing anything at all for her.

Anonymous said...

BOOGA-BOOGA. I am offensive stereotype of mumbo-jumbo voodoo WITCH DOCTOR from African village. You know, picture me with decorative bones and such, if that helps. OOGA-BOOGA-UM-WUM.

I COME TO TELL YOU I HAVE CONSULTED THE CHICKEN-FOOT RATTLE, AND IT TELLS ME OF THE WICKEDNESS BEHIND YOUR AILMENTS.

First, you must gather the shells of ten local shelled animals. My witch-doctor globe says your heathen region has "snails". Those will do. Fill these shells with the tears of your enemies. How? I don't know how. Jeezus, I gotta do everything? Tell him his sister isn't a virgin or something. When he cries, BOO-YA. SNAIL SHELLS. Bury the tear-filled shells under a small apple tree at high noon.

Second, you must make a paste from the tar and sap from boiled pine needles. Each morning, smear this paste thickly over your neck, chest and earlobes.

Third, I HAVE CONSULTED BOTH THE CHICKEN-FOOT RATTLE AND THE SNAKESKIN DICE for this one - the spirits feel strongly that buying your woman something expensive is sure to help. I believe your culture has "jewellery" or "cars" or "cruises somewhere nice".

OOGA BOOGA! NOW FOR RAIN DANCE.

AJC said...

I'm crying with laughter reading these.

I haven't been sick in fucking years; I leave that to the experts.

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I don't have enough time on my hands. I have too much time on my hands.

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